here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
