omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
