Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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