On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
