Tell her she can't have a vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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