it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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