i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
