This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i think im in europe. pls send help
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
