dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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