I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
