is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
