WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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