You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize