well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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