So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
