a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
