Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
