You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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