wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
