I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
