I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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