So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
