True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
