Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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