Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
