I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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