I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
