My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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