I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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