If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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