No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
