Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
