things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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