The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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