At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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