After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
