Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
