Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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