my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
