Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're a waste of cheezeits
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
