I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
