Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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