my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
