So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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