i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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