We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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