she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
