Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
