it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
