Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
