Is it because I queefed?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
