I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This baby is an asshole
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
