The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
