doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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