And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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