Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
