just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
