No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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