my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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