she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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