Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
