Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
