If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
