So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I deserve this hangover.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
