the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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