she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
