could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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