Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
