you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
