i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
