Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
no, he came in my armpit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
